“A lot of times I find myself asking ‘Why couldn’t my mom pull herself together?’” senior Stephanie Windholz said.

These are the kind of questions that those put through adoption can often wonder.

Adoption, defined by dictionary.com as to take and rear the child of other parents as one’s own child, specifically by a formal legal act, is an occurrence found not only around the world, but also among students.

“I was adopted when I was in eighth grade,” Windholz said. “My little brother and I both were.” As a child, Windholz had an abusive relationship with her parents, constituting a switch in caretakers.

“When I was in preschool, I made one of those handprint impressions on hard clay,” Windholz said. “I’m not sure what I did wrong, but one night, my dad broke it over my head. My head literally cracked open and I had to get 34 staples. My parents lied and said I was attacked by a dog.”

Windholz was taken out of custody from her parents when she was 10 years old, and entered a foster home with her two brothers. This, however, only produced more distress for the children.

“I was in a foster home with my middle brother, but my youngest brother had to be in a different home,” Windholz said. “My foster mother was awful. We were only fed one meal a day, usually a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of water. One night when she came home from work, she told my brother to stay in the living room and made me go to my room. I heard banging on the walls and I didn’t know what was going on. Later that night, I snuck into his room and asked what happened. He said that she banged his head against the wall repeatedly just because she had a bad day. We sat together crying.

“I wanted to tell someone about what was happening, but I couldn’t,” Windholz added. “My foster mother threatened that they would separate us and we’d never be able to see each other again. I couldn’t leave my brother.”

Through most of middle school, Windholz suffered in silence.

“I wouldn’t talk to anyone,” Windholz said. “People thought I was mute. I didn’t have any friends and hardly saw my family.”

Finally, Windholz’s abuse was put to an end.

“Things got a lot better when I was adopted,” Windholz said. “I get along with my adopted dad just fine, but sometimes I don’t get along with the mom. She yells at me about everything, so it’s tense.”

Throughout all of her suffering, Windholz misses her biological parents immensely.

“There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about them,” Windholz said. “Every time I look in the mirror or just sit with nothing to do, they cross my mind. Times were not always bad, we had some good times, and my dad got out of prison last February. He found me on Facebook and has tried to talk to me.”

Although Windholz is one of the more miserable situations that occur with adoption, not all are so drastic.

“I was adopted when I was born,” senior Whitney Gerstner said. “Sandie and Wayne Gerstner adopted me and my older brother, James, but we’re not blood related.”

Since Gerstner was adopted when she was born, this poses the conflict of her parents having to tell her she was adopted.

“I don’t really remember the day I was told I was adopted,” Gerstner said. “They just told me when they felt I was old enough to understand the concept. It’s not something I’m ashamed about. I embrace it. I didn’t look at my parents differently.”

Gerstner said although initially she didn’t feel too much different, middle school was a tough time for her.

“Middle school sucks the way it is for everyone, but for me I had no idea who my biological parents were,” Gerstner said. “I felt like I didn’t know who I was. I had no idea if I was an accident or if I even had a purpose in life.”

Feelings of confusion and lack of purpose were hard for Gerstner to cope with.

“It was hard, but I dealt with it,” Gerstner said. “It’s really sad to see families that look so much alike and think ‘I don’t have any pictures to compare myself to’. I don’t know where my smile or my nose or eyes come from. But now I’m made to be her for a reason. I’ve gotten stronger from not knowing.”

Although Gerstner is extremely close with her adopted parents, curiosity about her biological parents has motivated her to look for them.

“I love my parents, but I’m planning to look for my biological parents this summer,” Gerstner said. “I want to know who they are, where they live, and what they’re jobs are. It’d be so awesome to know if I had other brothers and sisters.”

Although she’s had one of the better experiences with adoption, Gerstner still does not plan on adopting.

“Adoption is a beautiful thing, but when I do decide to have kids, I don’t plan on adopting,” Gerstner said. “I don’t want my children to have to go through what I did.”